Dear Parents, Not All Rap is Bad

I was listening to the radio the other day when the song "Down" came on by Jay Sean. I've heard it MANY times before... but i was listening to the lyrics...

"Baby don't worry, you are my only. Even if the sky is falling down... Now she my miss America Now can I be her soldier please, I'm fighting for this girl, on the battlefield of love."

Culture these days is all about women's independence, assertiveness, and aggressiveness to go for what we want and fight for it. We're supposed to hold a full time career, ask men out for dates, pay for our meals, open the doors. If not, we're considered weak or submissive.

I don't know about you, girls, but sometimes i just want to be fought for.

There is a deep desire in my soul to be protected, treasured, rescued, comforted, and led... The movies that make me swoon? Song lyrics that make my heart race?

A woman does not have to be weak to be protected; to be fought for.

I'm ready for a generation of male warriors.

I know I'm not alone. There is something in our world that is crying out for the men to step up to their place. To lead, to protect, to conquer, to rescue.

with so much faith,

kylie

here, now, and then

Sometimes I feel like life is one giant balancing act.

First of all, we have our actual schedule. School + work + friends + homework + church activities + daily hygiene rituals +sleep + God time = not much time left.

Today at work I had to work the cash register. There were a couple reasons why this was a bad idea: 1. I've had bad experiences with cash registers. Like, reoccurring panic attack experiences. I won't get into the horrors here :) 2. I am not detail oriented. This leads to many serious issues. Like, who cares if I ring up steak instead of chicken? or, "oh, you should've gotten 4 dollars? sorry i thought that said 16.50!" (All true stories, btw) 3. I'm not good at pressing buttons. That sounds dumb, but really. I like pressing them, but i always mess up. So around 12 we started having people come in. And more... and more... until there were lines TO THE DOOR. Madness. At one point my boss came up to me in the middle of another one of my crisis's and i just looked at him with my panic face and went "eeeaahhhhh!!"

Sometimes life makes me feel like that. Like i just want to throw my hands up in the air and scream "eeaahhhhhh!!"

Then there's the past, present, future issue. I have to balance looking into the past and learning and healing, being in the present and living in the NOW, and looking towards the future and working for that. My biggest issue: present living. Especially being a senior, i'm in go mode. Like, lets do this bring it on mode.

But it's a balance. God's got things for me to do here and now that I can't do later in life.

Even though things always seem like they'll be better and easier in the future. It's easy for me to push things off from NOW and think that it'll all be better when i've hit my future.

Go mode isn't always the best mode.

So somehow i have to handle the mess of my day to day schedule along with balancing my past, present, and future and making sure somehow they all coincide together into one, cohesive plan that won't make me want to scream "eaaaahhhhh!!!".

Oh, wait. I don't really have to...

All i can say is, thank goodness God is in control.


love,

kylie

new look

A couple weeks ago I decided to start re-reading "Velvet Elvis", a book by Rob Bell. It's such a great book... I really recommend it if you haven't read it! There is a certain passage that really stuck out to me...

"Missions then is less about the transportation of God from one place to another and more about the identification of a God who is already there. It is almost as if being a good missionary means having really good eyesight... you see God where others don't. And then you point him out."

Isn't that great??? There are so many times where I see places that look so violent or evil, or have had such horrible disasters and I think... man, we've got to go there. We've got to go spread Jesus there. Or when we go on mission trips it's all about "bringing jesus" to these places.

But what I've been realizing is that that isn't the case at all. God is ALREADY there. God is active and working and has his handprint on every little bit of everything in the world. In the AIDS epidemic in African, in the rubble at Haiti. Doesn't that bring so much hope?! We don't have to carry the burden of bringing GOD to every place that is in trouble! What a heavy burden to bare! And also, what hope for people who are in those places... to know that God has not forsaken them; that he is there just as much as he is in the most vibrant church or powerful worship service.

Jesus is already there... we just have to open our eyes and see him.

And when we see him, we can't be quiet about it.

words of truth

"You are mine.
You are luminous.
You are beautiful."

homesick

Hi everyone! :) I hope you're all enjoying this weather. I'm a warm weather type of girl, so I've been SO happy!! I realized tonight that I have a sunburn on my right shoulder today, and it made me pretty excited.

My God is so good.

It is so unbelievable to me that the creator of the universe wants to passionately pursue MY heart.

These past couple months have been so crazy. God has been so intense, digging into my heart and bringing up painful things, things that have caused bitterness in me and is helping me learn how to let go and forgive. To heal. He's been trying to get me to set him as a seal on my heart, to love him as i would love my husband, and to accept that I am his beloved. He has given me intimate things between just him and me, and romanced me in the sweetest ways...

When God is pursuing you, you fall in love pretty stinkin quickly.

I've felt how great it is to be romanced by God, but this week he showed me how hard it is.

This week my heart has ached and mourned for my husband.

I'm talking, sad, heavy, angry: "God take me to heaven right now, I don't care" type of homesick.

Like an army wife whose true love might as well be on another planet. God has wooed me and been so sweet to me and healed me and broke me and stole my heart and he is not here.

I want to be where my man is.

"I am faint with love" - SOS

I can't wait for the day where we can finally be together, face to face; where i can feel his arms around me and his breath whisper in my ear... "I love you, my darling".


aching for home,

Kylie

Easter Festivities! Eh?

Hi guys! I hope you're all having a great day celebrating the amazingness of Jesus! Its been kind of weird for us here in the Goodier household; for 14 years my grandparents celebrated with us, and now they're in Utah. It's a little lonely, but we had a huge feast of corned beef, kruat, potato salad, deviled eggs, and carrot cake for lunch! A little off the beaten trail, but definately delicious :)
I've never been a big fan of Easter. I always get kind of sad when the whole lent, Good Friday thing wraps up. For me, its easier to spend 40 days realizing how sinful I am and how much I don't deserve God, then to spend one day reflecting on how much he's done for me.

Freedom is something so availiable to me, but so hard to accept.

God? Loving me?

Because obviously I'm majorly screwed up. I cheat, lie, become jealous for what other people have, envy others beauty and talent. I'm not loving, I don't care. I say to much, I don't say enough, I hear what God wants me to do and I don't do it.
I definately am not loveable.

It is so easy for me to accept my brokenness.

But is that really why God died for me?

Yes, to fully understand the goodness of God I must understand my own neediness for him. But I don't think that's what he sent his perfect son Jesus into the world to die for. For me to realize how screwed up I am.

He came and died so I would see how LOVEABLE I am.

Broken, undeserving, but untirely and completely loveable.

Hard to accept, but worth the fight.

And THATS worth celebrating :)

I love you all!

kylie