here, now, and then

Sometimes I feel like life is one giant balancing act.

First of all, we have our actual schedule. School + work + friends + homework + church activities + daily hygiene rituals +sleep + God time = not much time left.

Today at work I had to work the cash register. There were a couple reasons why this was a bad idea: 1. I've had bad experiences with cash registers. Like, reoccurring panic attack experiences. I won't get into the horrors here :) 2. I am not detail oriented. This leads to many serious issues. Like, who cares if I ring up steak instead of chicken? or, "oh, you should've gotten 4 dollars? sorry i thought that said 16.50!" (All true stories, btw) 3. I'm not good at pressing buttons. That sounds dumb, but really. I like pressing them, but i always mess up. So around 12 we started having people come in. And more... and more... until there were lines TO THE DOOR. Madness. At one point my boss came up to me in the middle of another one of my crisis's and i just looked at him with my panic face and went "eeeaahhhhh!!"

Sometimes life makes me feel like that. Like i just want to throw my hands up in the air and scream "eeaahhhhhh!!"

Then there's the past, present, future issue. I have to balance looking into the past and learning and healing, being in the present and living in the NOW, and looking towards the future and working for that. My biggest issue: present living. Especially being a senior, i'm in go mode. Like, lets do this bring it on mode.

But it's a balance. God's got things for me to do here and now that I can't do later in life.

Even though things always seem like they'll be better and easier in the future. It's easy for me to push things off from NOW and think that it'll all be better when i've hit my future.

Go mode isn't always the best mode.

So somehow i have to handle the mess of my day to day schedule along with balancing my past, present, and future and making sure somehow they all coincide together into one, cohesive plan that won't make me want to scream "eaaaahhhhh!!!".

Oh, wait. I don't really have to...

All i can say is, thank goodness God is in control.


love,

kylie